I’M A WHITE MAN IN AFRICA

I’m a white man in Africa a survivor in the south

we got one man one vote but we live from hand to mouth

apartheid was a fuck up now we free, free at last

but some of us are paying for the sins of the past

they learned their lesson well the anger and the hate

when it comes to revenge it never is too late

it’s the spirit of the age redistribution retribution

reverse apartheid is all the rage - after action affirmative satisfaction

but this continent is cool, a place of plenty, abundant riches

we still believe in witches and treat our wives like bitches

we use cell phones to tape a friendly gang rape

and if you get AIDS spend an hour in the shower

but if it’s HIV drink garlic in your tea

welcome to Africa it’s the coolest place to be

don’t get me wrong I’m happy in this new bureaucracy

the blacks learned from the whites how to do democracy

if they lose the election don’t get an erection

it’s the basic supposition – kill the opposition

ask Robert Mugabe from Zimbabwe

Rwanda Somalia Liberia Ethiopia

Angola Uganda welcome to utopia

our misery is custom made to suit your every need

this place is a paradise with billions to feed

some graft and corruption an occasional disruption

but better than that we’re on our backs flat, check our welcome mat

unexploited mineral wealth enough for a thousand years

and a labor force to mine it with their hopes their dreams their tears

and fuck the bleeding hearts who curse the corporations

economic liberation, without them starvation

come on be rational no-one cares like a multinational

they can help you self-destruct if you got diamonds in the ground

or force-remove your locals if you got oil lying round

in your Swiss account any amount

that’s what World Bank debt is for

and if you still want more they can start a  war

nothing second rate, it will escalate

‘till all your citizens are killing each other

AK47’s for you and your brother

you can run my friend but you cannot hide

the first world will provide

especially genocide

and don’t forget the kindness of our European friends

in fact the list of good deeds is so long it never ends

the pommies and the krauts and the porras and the frogs

thank God they insisted when the heathens resisted

okay there was some slavery and they treated men like dogs

and some random orders moved a shitload of borders

which caused some double bubble toil and trouble

and reduced the continent to ashes and rubble

but they brought education medication conservation

preservation…with just a touch of deprivation

small price to pay for civilization

and besides…the Africans learnt an important lesson –

a civilized man doesn’t bring a spear to a gun fight

you can run my friend but you cannot hide

the first world will provide

especially genocide

but this continent is cooking though it might look tattered and torn

we got elephants and lions and a lot of rhino horn

our poachers are all innocent they just working for the Japs

whose cocks are all so tiny they can’t find them without maps

but hey those pricks got dollars - international currency

hallelujah Mammon and the USA – the gods that keep us free

don’t get me wrong I’m happy, at least I’m still alive

and as long as I don’t argue I reckon I’ll survive

it’s a garden of Eden owned by the ANC

I can say what I like as long as they agree

just ‘cause you can vote doesn’t mean you free

but it does mean you can live in abject poverty

oh say can you see our monopoly

it took a revolution to get this constitution

no-one is rejected all of us protected

the Party is so clever it’s going to rule the roost forever

it’s an African tradition -  we don’t like competition

but we like to trade for international aid so our leaders can get paid

and we like to fight for human rights but go to China to get laid

I’m a white man  in Africa from sixteen fifty-two

I’m stuck here can’t get out,  nothing I can do

I’ve got my dobermans, electric fence, machete and a gun

they’ll get me in the end but ‘till then I’m having fun

I’m a white man in Africa at least I got a tan

I’m feeling pretty lonely ‘cause the rest all cut 'n ran

Perth Sydney London Vancouver Quebec Montreal

they saw the writing on the wall - the colonies will fall

like rats off a ship ‘cause they saw what was coming

there were jujus in the night and they heard the distant drumming

and lucky for them they had the cash so they all ducked

but me?  I’m a white man in Africa…and I’m fucked

then again…aren’t we all.